My living hell, Unexpectedly Eating Gluten Free

     My blog is going to take a slightly different turn. Just after Christmas this year, I came down with awful muscle and joint pain, daily migraines, nausea, it's completely awful.  I am now traveling down the road of doctors, specialists, chiropractor's and homeopaths.  As of right now, we have no idea what I have. We do have suspicions as to what it might be.  Until I know, I am going to call this the "invisible disease".  This "invisible disease" has all of a sudden rendered me gluten intolerant.  So the comical edge that I used to present in my regular postings will now be about my chef husband and myself, about discovering the world of gluten free.
     If you ever want to drive your chef nuts...tell him you have to eat gluten free. I swear the color drained from his face when I said this.  He has cooked gluten free at the restaurant many times and done well with it. In his home.... that's just an atrocity.  I was in a lot of pain and couldn't eat anything. I would eat my normal meals and be couch ridden the next day.  So, out of curiosity I stopped eating my usual carbs (I am a huge carbaholic) bread, pasta, etc.. The next day, I didn't feel so bad. Okay.... so I continued that way for a few days and I got a little better each day.  I then went out for a Valentine's Day dinner with my kids and parents. I salivated over the beef wellington and ate quite a bit. The next day, I was couch ridden.  I went another three days carbless then, I ate a bowl of spaghetti with my boys (my vice), again I was couch ridden the next day.
     I have now cut 90% of gluten out of my diet. The only gluten that would still be there is the sneaky kind that is still in your food from processing.  I have felt so much better and I'm getting creating with spaghetti squash and other veg I would never have entertained. I will confess one evening my children and husband had some crusty bread with their dinner (I am trying to get them to consume the last of it). There was one slice left on the plate, I am rather embarrassed to say, I ripped the crust off and licked it just for the taste, before promptly throwing it out. I think I now know what it is like for a smoker to stop smoking.
     Is it pricier to eat this way... Oh hell yes!  However I'm adjusting.  For an entire weekend, chef wanted to help and started baking up a storm. Gluten free brownies, brussel sprout chips, roasted brussel sprouts, quinoa rice. There was no way I was going to be able to eat all of it even if I gorged. I find with the nausea I'm eating much smaller portions.  The chourico, and lentil soup was really pretty good. As frustrating as this process is for me, I do get some amusement from watching chef try to figure it out too. He posted on Facebook about how much it stressed him out. He actually got condolences from his other chef friends. It kind of was like a death for us, it was sudden and unexpected but we knew it was for the better.  I was angry, sad, confused..it just plain sucked.
     Slowly I bought each of the many flours you need to make a gluten free all purpose flour.  They can be quite expensive and each one has its own function. I had finally bought a new kitchen scale to measure out the flour as that is very important. I then went to get my basket of flours. In his haste, chef forgot to seal the top of the potato starch bag.  As the basket slipped from my hands, I dropped the basket and the impact caused the bag of potato starch to POOF into the air like a cleverly set trap from Home Alone.  I was covered head to waist in white potato starch.  I could have gotten a job as a ghost in the Haunted Mansion at Disney World. My oldest son's eyes were as big as saucers as he looked at me covered, waiting to see my reaction.  It wasn't until I laughed that he knew it was safe. So here we go on a new journey...

My chef has some down time

     Each slow season, my chef gets some time off. The restaurant shuts down for about a month. This happens just after leaf peeper season and what we call in New Hampshire, mud season. Mud season is exactly as it sounds.  Prepare for your children's boots to smell like a cat box, no matter what you do to clean them and may contain a worm or two.

     There is a very predictable pattern that my husband has when he has time off. The first few days, he does nothing, absolutely NOTHING. You will be lucky if he changes his sweatpants. He will develop a mean stubble that will irritate everyone's face and he will eat any crud you put in front of him. After a day of stomach aches, he begins to cook for us, but claims there's nothing in the house to cook. Keep in mind this is after you observe a pantry closet that is half full and you restrain yourself from saying, "Figure it out!" The most unbearable question you will hear, after you've worked a full day and STILL have to pick up the children, "What do you want for dinner?" To which, I will head scream "YOU'RE THE CHEF!!!"

     The second phase is cleaning. What do chefs do when they don't have a kitchen to clean? They clean the house. PLEASE, learn to capitalize on this phase especially in regards to bathrooms. They will most likely rearrange the living room (twice), kitchen and possibly the basement.  In the beginning of our marraige, chef wanted my help (labor) to move things. After the fifth rearrangement I said, "This is your OCD thing not mine, if you want to rearrange three times in one month, you do it!" Listen to that piece of advice, you will save yourself from an unnecessary trip to the doctor's with a pulled back muscle.  Prepare to see a trash bag full of expired spices, various specimens from the fridge and that funky no name chocolate that everyone gets at Easter but no one eats, unless it's your time of the month and the only chocolate left.  Once, I had a very entertaining afternoon tipping over the decorative pillows on our couch for a total of yes, 13 times before he realized I was doing it on purpose. I really had a good laugh from that one. Thankfully, he laughed too. Unfortunately this will be short lived because in their mind they've done it perfectly and you can't top that. You will also take many trips to the volunteer bin with clothing that chef has expunged from his side of the closet which is frankly suffocating yours.  All chef pants will either be too stained, too short, too long, too thin or just old.  We have one rule in my house, the bedroom is sacred. I don't care how much of a sh hole it may look, don't touch my space! The next phase is rather difficult to weather. 

     The third phase is cleaning anger.  This is when chef starts accusing everyone in the household of never putting anything away where it belongs, undoing all of his/her hard work.  This is particularly aggravating because even if you leave one dirty knife in the sink, it's like you've left a sink full of dishes complete with molding food on it.  You may also observe that the minute you or your children try to do something relaxing, chef has something for you to put away. I'm not joking about this! Test this theory, you'll kick yourself for having never noticed. It all has to do with that mantra, "You have time to lean, you have time to clean." Tell your children to go outside and hide! This is when the criticisms start about your laundry routine, or lack there of.  At this point, the best thing to do is to suggest to chef, that he calls his buddies that he hasn't seen in six months as they are most likely torturing their spouses too. It will give you atleast two nights of rest.

     The fourth phase is probably THE most difficult to survive. After your chef has been home for about two weeks, they start to have all of the answers to run a perfect household. They think they are helping make YOU more efficient and have solved all of your child rearing issues. You will most likely get visions of giving your chef a swirly in the toilet or putting salt in their coffee or at the very least tossing eggshells in their omelet.  I truly think this is the hardest phase to keep yourself level headed. You start to feel insulted, incompetent, walked on... Remember most likely YOU are the one picking up the kids, attending PTA meetings, receiving the phone calls from school, sending the notes, cooking and shopping for the family, keeping the bills, appointments and play dates straight. I really think this whole phase comes from the guilt that chefs feel from not being at home to help because of the shifts that they work.  I have to keep telling myself, it makes him feel like he's contributing and that he can help improve our daily life.  Stock up on the wine, this phase is a long one and will most likely involve a "talk". It is very important that chef feels that he/she is taken seriously. If you don't take that advice to heart, I can't be held responsible for the argument that ensues later.

      The fifth phase is chef's longing to get back to work.  They start talking about new food trends or recipes they've discovered. By all mean, jump on this bandwagon!!! Chef becomes happier, making everyone happier and the last week to two weeks of chef's time off is very positive for the family.

     As strange as this post may sound, I have observed these phases time and time again over a 10 year marraige, so far. :) 

The Curse of Ice Cream and Pizza

My chef and I have a theory. Keep in mind I wouldn't be posting this if it hadn't proven itself time and time again in the state that we live in.  When you see a restaurant add pizza (especially pizza delivery) and ice cream to their menu, beware they will fold in 6 months. Yes, there are restaurants that do specifically sell pizza and have right from the beginning, the same goes for ice cream. However, if it's a fine dining restaurant that has added both in the same week along with a wooden ice cream cone outside, that is not a good sign.

This looks like they are trying to make money, and fast!  How can a failing restaurant try to increase revenue without putting a very loud (we're desparate) ice cream sign outside their swanky establishment?  I think this is where the think outside of the box mentality comes into play. If there are certain items on your menu that sell well, then offer them for purchase in heat up at home pans.  I've seen a few sandwich shops do this and they do it well. Chances are if you're failing at that point, then you have staff standing around who can definitely be making these items. Compile these (dinner at home) meals on a sort of take out menu that is given to a customer at the end of their meal with their change. Yes servers out there... don't ask if they want change, JUST DO IT!!! A customer will be much more flattered if you don't bat an eye and just give people their change. Let them figure out the tip, they are the customer after all.

You say, but them I'm scaring people away from coming back. Well look buddy... at this point they're not enough people are coming in anyway. If they have the option of taking their favorites home to heat up on a busy night, good for you and for them. In a tourism focused state, what a great idea for people to order these meals from your restaurant, take them home and heat them up for their condo of 12 friends that they have come to ski with.

This outside of the box mentality will truly help you and prevent you from the screaming ice cream sign (We're desparate!!).

So You Want to Sell Your What?!

Chef has been baking biscotti since December. I call him the non-baker baker. Through trial and error he has taught himself how to bake. Using a family recipe, he has perfected a very forgiving recipe. Flavor experiments have come home some, maple walnut have been a huge hit. However other flavors, like watermelon weren't so good.
Our boys who are now 4 and 7 love when daddy bakes biscotti at work because it means they get the "butts" of the biscotti loaves.  My husband has decided that he wants to start selling his biscotti as a means to save money for a deposit for his first restaurant.  Pretty ingenious I think.  Being a librarian I tend to help with the research part of it. Librarian's are resourceful with research, borderline OCD/stalkers.  If we can't find what we needs we think of a millions ways around it to get our answer.
Last night was the initial "Oh Boy, this is really going to become a reality." My thought was "You'd better find a way to sell the butts or I am going to gain a lot of unwanted weight!!!" It's carb heaven or hell whichever way you choose to look at it.  The problem is his biscotti is damn good!!! I favor the dunk it in your coffee and eat it approach.
What is in a name? Unfortunately, chef wanted to involved the children's names. OK well that gives us Sebriel, Gebastian. Let's try intials well it'll either be SCS (sucks) or GSS (gas). Let's think of nicknames we use, Little E, E, Chef, Narcisus, Ego.... maybe not.  In the end we did actually come up with a name based on another one of my husband's nicknames and a way to involve the kids in designing a logo. Hopefully the logo will be more appropriate than the picture that was sent home from school with a lady (anatomically correct) with a baby at her feet. Keep in mind we have two women in our family who are pregnant and I had just come home from a baby shower. (Try explaining that to a teacher!)
Next premises okay well we're mulling that one over and looking at our options. Not too thrilled about chef's suggestion that our kitchen needs to be cleaner if that's the direction we go in. Cleaner?! Maybe if he stopped collecting kitchen parephenalia I'd be able to put it all away! I did glance nearby to see how nearby the cast iron pan was to my hand.
Here's to entering unchartered water!!

Will You Please Just Eat And Enjoy This Date!!!!!

     If you are married or attached to a chef then you definitely can relate to this entry.  Eric and I love going out to dinner. With that said, we can NEVER go out to eat without him picking apart the competition. It's not that he's negative about where we've chosen to go it's that he likes to see what other colleagues do right and wrong. Sometimes he can get a great idea from something he's eaten. Chances are they will compare the menu to their menu at work, laugh or make fun of descriptions, "dripping?!?! What do you mean dripping?! Like bacon fat?"
     Our anniversary was last week and we went out to eat.  When eating out with your chef you need to make sure you have their full attention about every five minutes. First, check the silverware and glasses. They will immediately pick up on whether they are not clean or polished. Make sure you ask a non yes or no question.  Something that makes them think. If you've truly lost them because they are too busy trying to figure out what the table next to you is eating, then say something like "You're shirt is on fire." or "I think Gordon Ramsay would eat you alive." The reaction will definitely tell you what he has or has not heard. 
     Sometimes chefs can be rather selfish with their meal selections. Note: Many times they will only give you a taste of their meal because they don't like it or there is an ingredient that they haven't decoded yet and they need someone else's palate for analysis.  They especially will not share dessert good luck if you try to take a bite and don't get your hand slapped with a spoon. 
      You need to figure out if you would rather them hate their meal, because if they do like it then they see this place as competition. Now is when they will ask you, "How does it compare to my food?", "Do you taste the fennel in that?". They actually become excited and jealous that there is competition.
    The only exception to the above statements is if you go to a fair. Then count on them ordering the biggest messiest item they can find and love it! For example yesterday we were at a beach boardwalk and my chef ordered an italian sausage loaded with onions and peppers. You are most likely better off having dinner at home, at a boardwalk, or hotdog stand.
    

How to Support your Chef

     So what do you do when your chef leaves a restaraunt for a new one or faces challenges that is pushing limits that they've never met before?  Support, you've got to be their support.  My chef started working at a new resort Christmas Day and has been loving it. There's nothing like seeing your chef cooking the type of food that they love! Chefs always complain about wanting to work a "normal" 9-5 job.  Most can't do that and I'll explain why.  They're adrenaline junkies. They love the pressure for some reason they thrive on fast paced, instense situations.  If or when they do get that 9-5 job, they don't like it. It's too easy, boring  blah blah blah. I'd rather have my husband complain about being slammed and the ticket printer almost overheating from too many orders than complaining about not having anything to do.
      This leads to where we are at now. My hubs will be managing a restaraunt that has its challenges. He's really excited about this challenge I might add.  In our house we have this rule, if you're stressed you can have your little freak out but, you then have to pick yourself up and say okay what needs to be done and let's make a plan of attack. This started when my husband was a server. Servers almost always are sat more tables than they can handle, especially good servers.  Nothing ticks me off more than seeing one server have to take care of a ten table dining room by themselves.  I just want to look at the management and say either help them out or give them more money because you just screwed your server out of tips.  The more tables you get the worse the service becomes for the other tables. This in turn causes longer waits for food, blah blah, blah and you have an avalanche on your hands. When hubs would be sat too many tables there was always a point that he would get overwhelmed and couldn't give perfect service.
     What do you do? STOP EVERYTHING THAT YOU ARE DOING!!! BREATHE! Now ask yourself what needs to be done? 1 needs Drinks, Food is up for 2 and 4, 3 needs ketchup, 5 hasn't ordered yet. Sometimes this list can reach up to 10 if you have that many tables.  After you figure out what needs to be done figure out what's the most efficient way I can do this. It may involve asking someone to help you. THAT's OKAY!!!!! If management is picking their nails and tells you no, they don't deserve their salary!!! Point blank I'm putting it out there. You respect the managers that help or wouldn't ask you to do something you wouldn't do yourself. Yes I know, this post is sounding a little soap boxish.  Once you have figured out how you're going to get it done, do it!  Flip outs and tears do nothing for you. They suck all of the energy that you could be using to say to yourself, what, how and then do.
      This is a wonderful way to handle a lot of stressful situations.  A friend recently told me, I don't know how true it is, that some psychologists are taking a tough love approach. There is something to be said for that. You always have to keep yourself moving forward.
      Going back to the original paragraph hubs and I are taking this approach to his new venture. You had your flip now what needs to be done. After almost ten years of marraige this has worked the best for him.  Lists are involved, lots of lists. Organizing, Prioritizing and Planning. Break it down for them if they can't see beyond the immediate situation. You are their voice of reason. That's what is absolutely wonderful about being someone who doesn't work with them or in a restaraunt. This is when you are at your best!

County Fair Adventures

     So this past weekend was our favorite fair. It's chock full of fun. We paced ourselves and even had a little break and let the boys go nuts in all of the leaves that had scattered the park. It has everything, livestock barns, crafts, 4H competitions performers, tractor pulls, fair rides and sooo much more. Eric got to go for the first time in three years. This is a big time tradition in our family. The one thing that attracts us more than anything is fair food. Moderation is okay right? Once a year to me is moderation to enjoy all of it's greasy goodness.
      We could not make a decision on what we wanted. Soup in a bread bowl, Buffalo Burger, BBQ brisket, Burgers, hot dogs, fried everything, chili, bbq chicken, really huge turkey drumsticks.  It came down to Italian sausage sub for Eric and a buffalo burger for me, hot dog for Gabe and cheeseburger for Sebastian.  We passed the giant eclairs and our decisions were mostly because we didn't want to be too full for later. 
     We stayed till the very end of the day for the dessert auction. Now this is one thing we have never been to.  Everyone who is interested gathers around the vegetable competition barn and out of the small door at the end the auctioneer walks outside with a microphone.  All money collected is donated to the local food pantry so it all goes to a good cause. All entries and winners are auctioned off.  There are bread, pies, cookies, cakes, tarts, homemade granola it is truly amazing. There are junior and adult cake decorating competitions the entries looked like something from a cake competition you would see on Food Network.
     At this point in the day the boys had had it, they were exhausted! Eric was salivating and I was just curious. The first thing we bid on and won were homemade donuts. These were gone two days later. You really get into the fun of bidding, even if you don't win you start to develop a strategy. Bid for a dollar less than you think your limit is. Simply put the auctioneer always gets you before you say Uh oh I didn't mean to bid. Too late and he knows it!  The boys started coming out of their fair coma when they saw orange cakes that looked like Halloween graveyards and a one that had a fondant fisherman sitting on a bridge fishing in a pond.  We then won a homemade multi-grain bread that looked incredible. Since the auction I'm the only won who's been eating it.
     Then came the cookies. well Eric is REALLY into peanut butter. I can't ever buy a small jar because it'll be gone in one sitting with a spoon.  Out comes peanut butter and jelly picnic cookies. The cookie itself looks like a slice of bread but the peanut butter and jelly are baked in between the "slices". Eric salivated so badly his hand went up before the bidding even started. By this time we had begun a box of goodies the donuts, bread and now the cookies. I was enjoying myself having fun till all of a sudden the love of my life was placed on the auction block. A rather large Swiss chocolate cream pie with homemade whipped cream and chocolate shaving. My heart palpitated and I was a goner.  Needless to say I won this pie and my empty plate is sitting right next to me as I type this. Eric told me on the way home, that my eyes had bugged out my jaw hit the floor and he knew it was over from there. There was no way I was going home without that pie!
     The pie was a blue ribbon winner at the fair and in my stomach!!

We're out of dessert! Do something!

     One of the best times working at the entertainment venue was arranging the dessert table. When I see a doily it makes me think of chocolate. I absolutely loved taking the cakes out of their pastry boxes and cutting them in slivers small enough to feed a large army. After each slice I would drag the knife sideways down the edge of a clean square plate so that no crumbs would damage the perfect top of the cake when I cut the next piece. When I was finished arranging the table, I would find my carefully hidden square plate and with my index finger wipe the chocolate icing off and taste the delectable burst of ganache. This was a treat that I never told the other chefs about. Why do you ask? Because they are vultures and would have swooped in and stolen my plate if they knew.  Since as a cook in a equatorial temperature kitchen you sweat profusely and eat little the taste of chocolate in my mouth was pure bliss. It ended with a very triumphant hand wash and a cat that ate the canary grin on my face.
     The table always looked fantastic just before service like something you'd see in a display case. On some nights it was my duty to keep this table stocked with goodies, plates and forks. Sometimes I just had to tidy it's appearance. People LOVE their dessert and if you need any proof man the dessert table!  One such night I was doing this very thing.  I was running food for the buffet and keeping an eye on the dessert table.  We started getting low on desserts when I told the head chef we were almost out. A frantic frenzy started in the kitchen as I was told to look in the freezer.  Who cares about the meal give the people their sugar!!!!
     This was a chance for me to think out of the box. Okay..... think back to mom, meme, aunties and the things they used to bring to family gatherings. With stealth that would make MacGyver blush I gather plastic wrap, floss and ranch dressing. In all seriousness I gathered whipped cream bags, angel food cake, frozen strawberries and a can of chocolate fudge. Through the innovative use of a microwave for defrosting and crumbling cake I did the impossible.  In less time than it takes for a cook to have a butt break I created a trifle to the shock and amazement of the kitchen.  I even had enough left to create a very quick plates of strawberry short cake. 
     At the end of the night I took a couple of victory laps around the kitchen as I brought in the last remnants of the trifle.  The only thing that tends to happen when you have such a wonderful moment is that somewhere out of nowhere the thing you were looking for the most materializes out of thin air because the kitchen gnomes bring it out of hiding. There in the chefs hands from the walk-in came a triple dutch chocolate cake. The only thing I could do in regards to the hairy eyeball was say, "Well that's great we can use it tomorrow night!"  That's why if you tell your chef you are out of something they tell you to "Look Again".

You might be attached to a chef if...

You might be attached to a chef if...

... there are more pictures of food on your computer than your children

...chef coats and pants is the first thing you look for when birthday shopping and Christmas shopping

...instead of giving your chef a glass of water at home you hand them a pitcher

...the plates you use at home came from a restaurant (they were given to us when T.G.I.Fridays changed their plate design)

...You have a framed print hanging in your house of peppers, chef, cafes or tomatoes

...when you buy a car you have to consider if a cambro can fit in the trunk

...you find substitutions for everything (out of sugar for your coffee? Use the red sugar that you decorate cookies with. What's wrong with pink coffee?!?!?!)

...you can't cook in the kitchen together because you 120lb chef needs a 6 foot radius of space to work in.

...you've eaten things that would never enter your vocabulary escargot, chicken livers?!

...you know when your chef wants you to taste something, it's probably hot enough to burn your lips off.

...you know the food trends of this coming season simply because you are your chef's research assistant
  (locally grown, gluten free, grass fed, foraged herbs and mushrooms, sustainable)

...you have more cookbooks in your home than your favorite online retailer.

...your chef has made you record every cookbook that is borrowed from your home.

...you have your own chef coat/pants/clogs/apron and hat

...you use monogrammed knives in your kitchen

...there are food magazines in your bathroom for reading material

...you place bets on who will win competitive chef shows and you are usually the winner (it's a rerun and you've seen it 5 times)

How to have a long marraige to a chef

     So, after seeing some posts on the married to a chef facebook page I got to thinking. Someone just celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary. For someone who is attached to a chef, it is not as glamorous as having your own personal chef.  I know some people would argue with me but there are many times that I think being married to a chef is more difficult than being married to a 9-5er.  If you are part of this club, you can have a laundry list of things you go through that no other "normal" marriages would. It got me thinking so much, that I thought I would do some research on chef marriages and find some good words of advice. It was not easy! You Google "chefs and marriage," and what you come up with is affairs or chefs cooking for a marriage equality event. No wonder it's so hard to find support!  Kerilyn Russo's site, Marriedtoachef.com came up quite often too. ;) But, there are many of us that love being married to a chef and face it head on every day because every day is different, a new adventure. We NEVER get bored being married to a chef!
     The marriage that popped into my head was the marriage of Julia and Paul Child.  I found out so much reading about them. They could laugh together at an elaborate dinner that had love poured into it but turned out less than appetizing. They created their own traditions. Since they couldn't get things together in time to send Christmas cards, they sent their spectacular Valentine's Day cards. How many of us have to celebrate holidays on another day? They knew that holidays in the food industry are not normally for celebrating with family. We all go through this, yet they accepted it. They supported each other in what they loved most. It wasn't a one sided relationship. Sometimes, as spouses of chefs we pour ourselves into our chefs' careers. We can't forget ourselves.  They want us to succeed just as much as we help them to.  Paul's journal was a form of reflection. We should reflect on the achievements we have made over the time we have been married.  Small victories add up to big things over time. How many of you have a chef who, in the beginning, was figthing for a job even as a fry cook just to get their foot in the door? Jobs were frequent, and at times brief. It's a huge achievement to still be a strong couple when your chef has multiple job offers at a time. As much as Paul was supportive, he was confident enough in himself that he could celebrate the moments when Julia was in the spotlight, and without envy.  As a couple, we should celebrate those moments together.  Julia herself admitted to keeping the passion in her marriage with her lunch time "breaks". You know what I mean. This can get put not only on the back burner but on the back of the stove, that dusty ledge where the egg timer sits. The words that ring true with me is "We are a team, we do everything together." Ah, the use of the word "we". Julia always recognized that behind a good chef there is a dedicated spouse/significant other.  In the morning they snuggled in bed together; when he was not needed he did the things he loved.  He could survive on his own, which most of us do on a daily basis.
      I have found that many chefs' relationships are private, especially celebrity chefs.  I would love to hear more about relationhips that have been successful and withstood the test of time. In restaurant years they are sometimes as short as the turn of an egg timer.  What about those of us who want theirs to withstand the time of a Rolex that's been buried in a swamp for 70 years and is still ticking when it's found. Extreme, yes I know.
     I think this is truly a question that has to be taken to the streets and will involve some interviews. Send me an email if you know someone who has been married/attached to a chef for a long time at: ninanottheship@gmail.com. In the meantime, I will be conducting extensive research.

Adult Trick or Treating or The Hierarchy of Candy

     So my children's birthdays came and went. The boys are now 3 and 6 and are they busy!! Busy is the nice word for wound like a top if you're curious. Halloween quickly approached and Gabriel wanted to be a ghost pirate (reusing his brother's Jack Sparrow costume) and Sebastian 24 hours before Halloween decided he wanted to be an Angry Bird. I used to be an anti-Angry Bird fan till I started playing it.  My chef is addicted to it and is constantly playing it. Don't get him started on Angry Bird Season's or Rio.
      So in 24 hours I made a costume for Sebastian. Trick or treating went smoothly and we had a blast. Once the kids were in bed, the war began. Luckily the boys are young enough that we can swipe candy and they don't notice, much.  It all begins with the chocolate and I don't mean all chocolate. It's the Hershey's, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Snickers, Milky Ways, Twix and Kit Kats.  They are the royalty from the plastic pumpkin bucket. Then comes the commoners Milk Duds, Whoppers, Nestle Crunch, Skittles, M&M's, gum, Twizzlers and Tootsie Rolls. Then you've got the bottom of the bucket. You have no name brand lollipops. Actually, all lollipops are the lowest of the low. You'll be holding onto these till Easter.  Along with the lollipops and gum you have a lot of no name candy that you wouldn't eat when you were 7.  Every so often you may get the holy grail of Halloween candy. These rarely are found in a bucket now a days. For example, full sized candy bars, those styrafoam UFOs that remind you of the wafers at church except that they are filled with little balls of candy, Squirrel Nut Zippers are up there too, the strawberry hard candy that we pick out of the bowl at the doctor's office, and every so often you might find a fireball.
      I usually pick off all of the chocolate before Eric consumes 15 to 20 pieces in one sitting (I'm being nice). For the next few days we end up relocating the bucket a couple of times without informing the other or consolidating the two buckets into one.
       This made me stop and wonder. If adults went Trick or Treating, what would we want in our orange pumpkin bucket.....full sized candy bars, definitely peanut butter cups and I would imagine all of things we used to get in our buckets when we were little. How many of you used to get caramel popcorn balls. Yes, I was one of them. The only thing I would pawn off onto my mom were Necco wafers.  The dollar bills from grandparents never hurt either.
       At first I felt guilty eating a piece here and there when my kids did all of the collecting but, I'm saving them from quite a few tooth aches.  I'm preventing them from overloading on candy between now and Christmas when the kitchen table seems to blow up with food. For now I will sit and continue to rationalize our thieving behavior and put the bucket back on top of the fridge.

Food Storage Containers

     It's amazing how territorial we can be when it comes to our Tupperware.  Any mom can recognize a quality piece of food storage a mile away.  I'm sorry I buy the Hillshire Farm cold cuts for the container.  It's true. If I'm going to lose a container I'd rather it be the one I shelled $2.00 out for and not the $10 Tupperware container that turns colors when the food has reached the appropriate temperature. I'm not sure if they exist but I think I might Google the patent office after this post.  Containers though, have come a LONG way. I definitely have my favorites and become unreasonably irate when one is lost, broken or melted.  If it weren't for environmental issues I think I'd create a graveyard to those friends lost forever. Ahhh just like the crayola crayon maker we can invent the Tupperware Tupperware maker, you can take your old ruined friends and create new ones.
     This post is just making me look unstable.  I did the other day pick up a great little container for $4 at Marshall's. It holds a sandwich on one side then has a flap that goes over the second part for snacks and locks altogether. I begrudgingly send Gabriel to daycare with it.
     Don't become tempted by those containers that are cute and look like classic products you purchased in the past. They are the first to die.  Unfortunately if you want good food storage containers you've got to pay for quality.  If you are married to a chef you might receive food from friends in a 5-er.  Those who cook know what I'm talking about.

Where does bacon come from?

    My son, ever the curious one asked my mother the other day, "Where does bacon come from?" So she was very short, sweet and honest. Sebastian asked if they put the pig back when they were done. My mother answered no.  My son then decided he didn't want to finish his bacon, but will very happily finish his pancakes. After receiving the call from my mom letting me know about the conversation and how she handled it, I thought, "Oh boy here we go".
     After coming home I had a little conversation with Sebastian and asked him if he wasn't going to eat bacon anymore. He replied with, "Yeah I'll still eat it but just don't tell me they kill pigs because then I'll think everyone dies." Okay, fair enough for a soon to be six year old I'll leave it at that.
     That should have been the end of that but now every time we have dinner he asks what meat we are having or what animal it came from.  This weekend we will attend one of the many fairs that happen in the fall. I wonder what he will ask when we visit the livestock barns.

How Being Married to a Chef Has Changed My Life

Being married to a chef can being trying but rewarding too.  Results may vary and like the success of a past teacher you don't always see the results till years later.

1.  Your hobbies seem to produce more. I have knitted three cable knit hats in about a week.  It's that speed factor.

2. Your to-do lists resemble prep lists. Things you need to do now, things you need to pull for tomorrow (kids clothes) and the things you need to get ready for next week. I also have knit two dish washing cloths (they last longer than sponges!!)

3.  When you have guests over they seem to always have a full glass in front of them.

4. On the same vein you probably have a dishtowel tucked into your back pocket wiping end tables as you replace said drink with a full one.

5.  Your laundry can consist of one load of dishcloths. Think of all the trees you're saving.

6.  If you weren't a complete OCD neat freak you probably have started becoming one.

7.  You can look at a recipe and change it to your liking with confidence.

8.  You are no longer intimidated by the chefs on food network.

9. Your children are trained at a very young age to help prepare dinner so that you are not left to do it by yourself. They also can help clear the table at three or four years old. 

10.  Your table linen collection is the envied by all.

11.  You probably have plates for each season of the year.

12.  Your fridge rarely has nasty food in it because of "first in/first out"

13.  Your kitchen gadgets can sometimes serve as decorations too. The wooden big spoon and fork you use to serve out of the giant salad bowl. (Remember that episode from Everyone Loves Raymond when Marie took them down off the wall?! )

14.  You are the only person among your friends that owns a plug in coffee urn that hold about 5 gallons of coffee. Your friends make reservations to borrow it all the time :) (Check out All-You magazine and they will recommend that you rent it out to make a little $)

15.  You don't have to buy those expensive croutons you've been craving because you know how to make them with that leftover bagel.

16.  You always know where your Tupperware lids are because you never keep a container unless it has one.

17.  You probably own a pair or two of Danskos and would never have considered it before you married your chef. Your feet have thanked you ever since.

18.  You can push yourself beyond what you thought was your limits and realize that you can do so much more. That's a great feeling of accomplishment.

My Entree Just Crossed the Road

     It is a beautiful time of the year here in NH.  We look forward to fall just as much as we desperately wait for summer. Just because we live in NH doesn't mean we all love winter!   The trees are changing color and after a couple of so-so years this year is a good one!! The boys and I went to the Highland Games like I typed in my last blog and I had my meat pie with HP sauce and was very satisfied. Sebastian and I got into an argument that sometimes fries are called chips and that I paid 10.50 for them and he had better eat them! 10.50 was my meat pie and fries.
     Monday presented me however with another surprise. On my way to work I had to let about 27 turkeys cross the road.  Turkeys in New Hampshire have an attitude that no other foul has.  In the fall wild turkeys are everywhere. They may be in your front yard munching in your garden at 5am squawking and waking everyone up.  Many times they are crossing the road in flocks. In the fall they LOVE the plowed cornfields. 
     When I was a teenager I remember living in the studio apartment on the bottom floor of my parents house.  To throw my trash out I had to go out the sliding glass door and walk to the dumpster. The yard was lined in forest as we are also locating in the White Mountain National forest.  One particular Thanksgiving Day I remember cleaning my studio because family was coming over. On my way to throw out the trash I neglected to notice a flock of about 15 turkeys were right in front of me. They are not polite, they do not want to be pet. They stare at you daring you to just try and hurt them.  Armed with a 4 foot birch tree branch I swung my way to the dumpster and back. This is a small introduction to the New Hampshire Turkey.
    After watching these turkeys cockily cross the road, I thought to myself, that is one animal that I would not feel bad about hunting with a bow. I'm not a hunter, never have been, I fish.  Living in New Hampshire hunting is a very prevalent sport.  I had never considered it until watching my entree cross the road and remembering that I had just bought a butternut squash this past weekend and that there might be a dusty can of Ocean Spray cranberry sauce in my closet.  It's times like this that the natural hunter comes out in you. You wonder, is this what it was like for our first settlers and Native Americans? Did the turkeys taunt them or have they decided that they have as much freedom as any other animal on the hunting lottery. 
     I was contemplating this further when about another mile down the road I had to stop again for three more very fat turkeys.  Frustrated I called my husband and talked about my thoughts on bow hunting and taking out a turkey. He pointed out that he could dress it and pluck it. My motivation was killed however when I recalled how he felt the first time he gutted a fish at one of his previous jobs. Bye Bye turkey dinner.

Beware the free meal

     Ever since my chef started working at the new restaurant he has brought home something to eat for himself every night. For some reason he prefers to eat it at home when shift is done because he's an overachiever and can't stop long enough to refuel.  He complains that every time he brings something home I take a bite. How can you seriously expect me NOT to take a bite out of his food. It's the only time I get to taste his cooking aside from the one night he has energy to cook for us at home.  Needless to say I feel no guilt at all and continue to do this. Every so often he will come home and be too tired to eat what he's brought home. In my book that means it is up for grabs!!! Many times I end up bringing it to work for lunch the next day or eat it immediately.
     The problem with all of this however is that I'm doing this when he comes home late at night. As we all know we shouldn't eat too close to bed because your body stores it immediately yada yada. Yeah, I get that and probably should stop. The biggest deterrent that I have to stop eating so late are the horrible dreams. Experts aren't kidding when they say eating just before bed can affect your sleep. I have learned that I can have half a club sandwich and sleep fairly well. Nachos or buffalo tenders, forget it. I will wake up sweating dreaming that my children were eaten by sharks during an alien invasion. Reminds me of when I was pregnant.
     The other problem that I noticed is that my weight loss that was going so well over the last year stopped. I haven't started gaining yet but in looking at what I'm stealing off his plate probably isn't helping.  Fries, nachos, burger, wrap, panini. The list goes one. However this is just before a major menu change.  The selections will be far more healthy when the menu changes.  Seeing that before he started working here I rarely ate fried food I am sabotaging everything I have accomplished health-wise in the last year.
     The solutions? Here are a few.

1. Go to bed before he comes home.
2. Drink so much water that by the time he gets home I'm too full to eat.
3. Brush my teeth just before he comes home, I mean the works, pre wash, brush, mouthwash, flossing, whitening treatment so that when he comes home I don't want to ruin my teeth.
4.  Pretend my hands are broken so that I can't begin that hand to mouth action that I am an expert at.
5.  Tell myself I wasn't craving that particular thing anyway.

This is an ongoing battle I will curb one take home box at a time. Tell me if you're the spouse of a chef who's experiencing the same struggle!

Sending Sebastian off to Kindergarten

     Well this morning was probably more difficult for Eric and I then it was for Sebastian. He started Kindergarten. I started putting his snacks together 2 days ago.  Eric complained that groceries this week seemed to be 80% Sebastian's school food and 20% the rest of the family.  I remember the lunches my parents used to pack and how much I hated peanut butter. Peanut butter sandwiches 10 days in a row was just plain torture.  I grew up in southeastern Massachusetts and went to a parochial school. Our hot lunches were pretty predictable. There was pizza, tuna (especially during Lent), hot dogs, chicken nuggets, cacoila (the only Portuguese hot lunch among a city that was 85% Portuguese at the time) and these just switched around every week.  School lunch has come a LONG way!
     I've worked in schools for the last 10 years or so and now you see salads, turkey sandwiches, soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, spaghetti, tacos,  Thanksgiving Dinner, Christmas Dinner, 100% fruit juice popsicles the options are endless. The best recipe I ever got for grilled cheese was from a lunch lady. I'm currently trying to find a healthier alternative for the spread which is 1/2 softened butter 1/2 mayo. Yes, I think I felt my arteries twitch too.  The difference after that spread and inserting the cheese is you bake the sandwich in the oven at about 200 degrees. I did sub the spread with olive oil one day and it came out pretty good.  But then again I love olive oil and use it all of the time!!
     I know a chef who is the head of food service at my old high school. I'm envious of the students as they eat A LOT better there now then when I went there.  His food has been described by the guidance counselors as gourmet.
     I searched on the internet for Cool School Lunches, Creative School Lunches and came across tons of ideas. If Eric wants to sit their and sculpt some Asian noodles to look like a Wooki, be my guest. I would rather have somone make that for me than do it myself. For fun check out the Cool School Lunch Bento Boxes, they really are very artistic and appetizing! Then ofcourse I want him to have a healthy lunch full of choices. He also is a peanut butter hater and eats Nutella. So this resulted in a giant debate between Eric and I about the nutrional value of a Nutella sandwich and that it's not candy it's hazlenut spread yada yada.
    So food shopping with Sebastian was interesting we got apples, bananas, carrots, watermelon, cheese sticks, goldfish crackers, juice pouches, a freezer pack for the lunchbox, a puzzle piece sandwich cutter, ham, Nutella and the list goes on. I expressed to my mom that I think I've packed too much food for him. My first clue was that I was having a hard time zipping up his lunchbox, I'm currently pricing out ones that expand.  I'm sure that if there were an apocolyptic event at his school he could live on today's lunch alone for about 7 days. I know in the world of preventing obesity in children I can understand your concerns. However, Sebastian is a bean pole with a very large head perched on top. We love to tell him to turn to the side and act as if he's disappeared. He loves showing us that he can feel his ribs. He's a picky eater but what he loves, he eats by the truckload.  I like to compare him to a hummingbird. He must burn the calories as fast as they come into his mouth.
    So we delivered him to school and hung out on the edges of the playground with all of the other nervous parents. He handed off his 20lb lunchbox to Eric so he could swing on the monkey bars and when the bell rang he ran full stop to retrieve his lunchbox from his father and joined the rest of his class. Eric and I returned to the car misty eyed while his younger brother Gabriel (2 1/2) cried all of the way home because he missed his brother.

Research in Action

     One of the things I love to do is perfect a recipe.  If you have read the description of this blog then you already know the level of my expertise, little to none.  So my most recent endeavor last week was preparing for the coming New Hampshire Highland Games.  My chef is in his second week at a new restaurant and I have already flooded him with texts of suggestions, dates of food competitions and ideas for a food truck at our nearby college.  I'm telling you, food trucks are the way to go. They were all over the Burlington, VT campus. We have one here!  A recent magazine article reported that fashion trucks are the new thing same idea but with clothes, hide your wallets gentlemen. Anyway, so the Highland Games is a huge weekend here in central New Hampshire.
     The Games take place around the end of September and is packed full of fun! My father in his younger days threw a caber, I've got pictures. If you are a local you probably avoid Lincoln, NH the way you avoid Laconia, NH during bike week.  You know the weekend is fast approaching when you start to see businesses flying flags that have purple thistles on them and everyone starts wearing plaid. It doesn't matter if it's not you own families' tartan, which is a plus, you just wear it!  Even the locals in the area don't blink an eye when you start to see men wearing kilts all around town.
     My idea was this... I have stood in the endless lines at the games for some meat pies and bridies.  Why not offer it at the restaurant.  If I could get it there instead of standing in line forever and trying to find a bottle of Lea and Perron's that isn't empty to put on my pie, I'd be in heaven! So the game is on.  I started searching online for recipes and found some great resources on allrecipes.com. It being August in New Hampshire we're already thinking about fall and soups. If you don't live in NH, fall really starts about mid August. The nights start cooling down and the mornings are chilly for longer. I seem to be very hotblooded first thing in the morning so my mornings consist of my husband and boys complaining that I have the back porch door flung open to let in the early morning air. 
      I decided that I was going to try a leek soup since leeks are very plentiful this time of the year.  I started with one pot then in the true spirit of experimentation I divided the batch among two pots and started varying the ingredients. One batch had potatoes, the other had mostly veggies like cauliflower, carrots, broccoli and other spice.  My poor chef was just about to head to work and I sat him down at the table with two bowls, two spoons and a glass of water. I sat in a very official fashion across from him pen and paper in hand.  Keep in mind every time I taste test anything from my chef it's usually atomically hot in temperature.  He sat and tried the first with the potatoes. He liked it well enough, we established that it should definitely have potatoes, there weren't enough leeks blah blah blah. The blah blah blah was a lecture I received on what is authentic leek and potato soup and what isn't. Don't ask me because I tuned him out. 
     Next he tried the primarily veggie one. Okay my chef doesn't like cauliflower in the soup. I think I got that point with the face he made. We established no carrots, not enough leeks and no cauliflower. So now my recipe has been reduced to leeks and potatoes. I still have yet to retry leek soup. I instead suggested he have a Portuguese night at the restaurant.  For now I think I'll experiment on the nights when he's working and not have any taste tests till I have found the true magical recipe. Right now my plans for the Highland Games is to stand in line for my meat pies and bridies. I wonder if they're available in the frozen food aisle...

Secret Ingredients are a Secret

     Ingredients are well guarded secrets. Take for instance a Portuguese Recipe my grandfather has been hiding from me since my birth.  It is a recipe that has only been handed down to the men of the family.  I had to get married to my chef to get this recipe, and even then, it was given to my husband.
     Recipes are usually shared freely, it's the ingredients that are guarded by the secret service.  Why did Aunty Nancy's chicken not turn out the same? She didn't tell you that she put in a special smoked paprika that came from Uncle Manny's brother when he brought it over from Portugal.  Here you are feeling like an idiot using the store brand paprika.  Chefs know this secret and they flaunt it! They will give their recipes to each other but they won't specify certain brands of ingredients. Go ahead and wander through your kitchen. I will bet you your chef has atleast 10 different unlabeled baggies, jars or old sauce containers with the labels peeled off that hold's ingredients that only they may know. 
     I expect that if I allowed him, my husband would build a shrine to his smoked paprika, jarred red peppers and other valued ingredients. I can't share too much as I value my marriage and good food.  Be careful of being present to a secret ingredient hand off. You can see one a mile away.  They resemble the drug deal you saw in the movie, Bad Boys. Someone opens a small bag that is unlabeled and sniffs its contents. If it's good the said chefs huddling around each other smelling it will roll their eyeballs into the back of their head in sheer delight.
     Don't even think about using it without their permission either!  They must be the ones to first open the jar and used the last of what's in the jar. Don't be surprised if they even dole out the ration to you.
     The biggest warning I must offer is. If they are trying an experimental recipe with the said sacred ingredients, DON'T tell them it doesn't taste good. I don't care if it tastes like wood chips with charcoal paste on it. Make sure you say it's good and then every so slyly ask, "What would you do different next time." This might cause them to confess it tastes like crud.  Good Luck!
  

Birthday list, knives, wrapping paper, cake

     Yes, I have been married to my chef for 7 years now and I didn't think this birthday would be much different from the others.  I had my list but this year I thought I would get him some knives. After some innocent information seeking questions I knew they had to be German or atleast nearly German made, no santuko knives and was hoping for a 10" forged chef knife. Good questions hu?!
     So while shopping I filled my cart with the normal birthday related things...cards, cake, candles, wrapping paper, ribbon, two Kuhn Rikon knives and a 8" Forged steel chef knife. It didn't seem odd to me at all since my husband is a chef and he needs knives for his profession. Well after unloading at the checkout, I noticed that the cashier gave me an awkward smile and the customers behind me turned white.  I smiled but again, didn't think anything of it. Oh, I also had my two sons with me.
     While driving home I was really thinking about why people gave me such strange looks while cashing out and it dawned on me. Oh my Julia Child!!! They must think I'm a murderer or something.  Now the amusing part about all of this is that we don't buy adult cakes for each other on our birthdays. We like to buy kiddie style cakes if we don't make it ourselves.  So of course this cake was all colors of the rainbow and one of the cards my boys insisted on was meant for a child with a big hippo on it, but hey they wanted it for daddy. If it had been near Halloween I guess it would not have looked strange but I laugh to think about all of the things that were racing through these customers' heads.
     Needless to say Eric couldn't stop cracking up when I had told him all about this after he opened his presents.  His remark well..."I would expect no less from a distant relative of Lizzie Borden." Thanks honey, love you too!